It is extremely important to understand your partner’s love language. Often times, we hear the same complain from couples that we have interviewed “ I don’t feel loved” , “He/ She doesn’t love me or put in the effort to love me”.
However, after speaking to the couples more, we realised it is not that they do not love each other, but they do not love their partners the way their partners feel loved!
Imagine this scenario, you put in the effort to go to a particular florist to buy a huge bouquet of flower that you think your partner likes. You are extremely excited to surprise your partner. However, when you reach home, your partner berates you for spending money on something that would perish in a week.
Shocking? Yes it might be shocking to some, but it is also a fact that not every girl likes flowers.
In this case, after speaking to the women, we realised that out of the 5 love languages, gift ranked the lowest for her. Her top 2 love language was : Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.
It is so important to know your partner’s love language because we want to love our partners according to how they would feel loved. So here are the 5 love languages. If you do not know what your love language is, you can find that out through this test : https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
⦁ Acts of Service : ‘ Action speaks louder than words’ . If this is your love language, you like a demonstration of love through actions, thoughtfulness ; It need not be big expensive or loud actions, but simple actions that make you feel loved. For example, your partner buying breakfast for you and letting you sleep in on a Saturday morning ; doing things you know your partner would like you to do. It usually requires both physical and emotional aspects.
⦁ Physical Touch : If this is your love language, it means you prefer physical expressions of love. It is not just about satisfying sexual needs, and can be both intimate and non intimate ( Hugs, kisses, back rubs, amongst others )
⦁ Quality Time : Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. If this is your partner’s love language, make your partner feel like you are present with them, in the moment. Sitting together side by side watching TV might not count as quality time if your partner doesn’t feel you are spending time with him/ her. So be sure to communicate to find out what encompasses quality time for someone whose love language is this.
⦁ Words of Affirmation: As the name suggests, you use words to make your partner feel loved and good. For example, encouraging your partner when he/she is down, complementing him/ her when you meet up. However, one thing to note is that in order to do that, you need to observe what is happening around your partner. You can’t encourage your partner if you can’t even realise that he/she is feeling down. You can’t complement his/her dressing if you don’t even realise they dressed up for you.
⦁ Receiving Gifts: If this is your partner’s love language, receiving presents/ gifts are physical symbols of how they feel loved. It need not be big expensive gifts, but even small gifts and surprises would make this person feel happy. People whose love language is this not only cherish the treasures given to them, but they also enjoy the element of surprise, the thrill of unwrapping and the thought behind the gift of affection.
As the saying goes “Love isn’t Love till you give it away”. However, love isn’t love if your partner does not feel loved by you because how you love them is not their love language.
How everyone interprets their love language in the various categories would differ too, so it is important to talk about it specifically towards your partner. Couple Goals Journal has just the right exercise for you! So do not worry, as long as you understand how your partner feels loved, trust us, it will make everything better.
